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Meology: The Study of Ones(humorous)Self

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A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs playing in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I am gonna say something with the word hell and you say something with the word ass." The 4 year old agrees with much enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You will stay in there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"Uh, I don't know, he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Dumb and Crazy Laws

They exists! Really they do. You will be shocked at some of the dumb laws that exist in our great states. I have went through and picked out some really good ones, while trying to stay in sync with the nature of this blog. However, some were just so freakin' dumb, I had to share. There are way too many to post, so if you would like to read more, just check out dumblaws for yourself where you can click on each state to view the laws. And while you are there, be sure to check out the dumb criminals section. Too damn awesome! These are the true idiots of our great country(and other countries too) at their best! I started with South Carolina because this is where I live. And according to some of our laws I am a criminal. Now, some of these laws must go way back, and have just never been modified or dropped, because in some states there are still laws from ancient times. Just so you know, we are all criminals and if some of these laws were actually enforced today, we would all be in jail!! My personal comments are in the parentheses and if anyone is offended by these, too damn bad!

Dumb laws:

~South Carolina~
  • No work may be done on Sunday. (yippppeeee!!!)
  • Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. (Dang! Where the hell else am I gonna put it?)
  • It is illegal to give or receive oral sex in South Carolina. (I am definitely a criminal! After all, ain't this the way to a man's heart?)
  • It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays. (I don't think this one is legal anymore???)

~Georgia~
  • All sex toys are banned. (For real? And sex stores are legal?)
  • Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (Ok, so where may we keep the humans?)
  • No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. (Was someone actually seen doing this?Idiot!)

~Tennessee~
  • Ministers are to be dedicated to God and therefore are not eligible to hold a seat in either House of the Legislature. (Is this suggesting that politicians are liars and crooks?)
  • Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law. (Not enough room in jail for all the criminals)
  • Driving is not to be done while asleep. (Wake up people! It's the law!)
  • Interracial marriages are illegal. (Then why are priests and courthouses marrying them?)
  • The definition of “dumb animal” includes every living creature. (SO! Now we are ALL freakin' dumb!)

~Florida~
  • It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. (Spring break in Daytona must be an exception!)
  • Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (Someone had to actually be caught doing this for it to become illegal!)
  • When having sex, only the missionary position is legal. (How boring!)
  • You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM. (And just who is the fart officer that enforces this?)
  • It is considered an offense to shower naked. (Offend me! Please!)
  • Oral sex is illegal. (Wow! Is this a southern thing?)
  • You may not kiss your wife’s breasts. (Yea! Whatever! They have breast police here too?)

~Mississippi~
  • A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.
  • Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
  • Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
  • It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.
(I am speechless on Mississippi's sex laws-once again, I would be a criminal in this state!)

~Alabama~
  • Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. (The booger police live here?)
  • Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men. ( So, this is where the law originated?)
  • It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. (They can't be serious! Is there another way to drive???)

~Texas~
  • When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. (This law exists in several states, am I missing something here? I just do NOT understand how this works???)
  • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (Who's counting? The beer patrol?)
  • Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos. (Does this include the sex stores that sell them?)
  • A recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. (This is why the police here catch all the criminals!)
  • Homosexual behavior is a misdemeanor offense. (So it is true that only steers and queers come from Texas!)

~West Virginia~
  • Any person who commits adultery shall be fined at least twenty dollars. (Is incest the same as adultery?)
  • It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. (This state has serious problems! So, the internet videos ARE real!)
  • Roadkill may be taken home for supper. (Not surprised about this one!)
  • Whistling underwater is prohibited. (And this is done how?And it bothers whom?)

~Virginia~
  • If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations. (State is full of criminals!)
  • You may not have oral or anal sex. (There aren't enough jails in all the states put together for all these criminals!)
  • Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary. (And who is the sex officer responsible for being the peeping tom to catch these criminals?)

~North Carolina~
  • Too many to post about sex in this state, visit the website to check those out!

Here a few from several other places:
  • In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
  • In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
  • In Idaho it is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
  • In Marshalltown, Iowa, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
  • Hunting camels is prohibited in Arizona.

A Washington, DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble!
  • I had a NC Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ."Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ." Her response - click
  • A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!" (OMG!)
  • I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map." (OMG, again!)
  • An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas .When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." (Aghhhh)
  • An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 AM got to Chicago at 8:33 AM. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very, very fast, and she bought that.
  • A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?"I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was actually laughing instead). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal) and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
  • A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii ?"
  • I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?"I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."
  • A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"
  • A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"
  • A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations. "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ." I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere."The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!"So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo , do you?" The reply - -"Whatever! I knew it was a big animal."

~Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in~

Some more ponderings to pass along. Everybody loves to read ponderings. These are statements that make you wonder and think about why things are the way the are. Just don't spend too much time "pondering" because your brain might explode from thinking too hard!! (Just Kidding)

  • If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
  • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't the people from Holland called Holes?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a “broker“?
  • Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
  • Why do the words “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
  • Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 for one of those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE!
  • Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  • If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, then why are there locks on the door?
  • Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it on a ship by sea it is called cargo?
  • OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
  • Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
  • If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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