Meology

Here are some things to ponder about:

• Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
• A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
• One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs. - (can anyone answer this one?)
• My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
• The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.(This is so true! Small town southern girls are the best! Yay Me!)
  
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat have become really good friends.
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
• I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my jogging pants on fire!
  
• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes.(This is true!)
• Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
• The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. (I am not so sure about this one, there are a few good men out there!)
• I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

Here are a few laws of sex, for those of you who need them. There are way too many to put in one post, but these are some of my favorites.

Laws of Sex:

• Sex has no calories. (Thank God!!!)
• There is no remedy for sex but more sex. (What I like to hear!)
  
• Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
• The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later. (Sad, but true sometimes)
  
• Sex is dirty only if it's done right. (Hey! I must be doin' something right!)
  
• When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
• Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
• Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
• Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
• What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.(Mmmm?Maybe)
• Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
• Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. ( I have alot of experience on this one!)