Meology

Hard to believe another year has come and gone. I guess I didn't eat enough green on last New Year's Day because 2007 was filled with financial burdens and I didn't win the lottery like I was supposed to so I couldn't pay off all my debts. Guess I will keep trying on the lottery thing . Hell, I just may get lucky one day. I have already set some New Year's resolutions for myself. The first is to lose weight. That is usually high on the agenda for many people, but right now it is my main priority. And yes, I am overweight. I am not one who is anorexic skinny and still thinks I am fat. I am just fat. A condition linked to marriage and kids. I thought that after my husband died, I would lose weight easily because he was no longer here to cook meals everyday. I was wrong. I have put on weight and I think it is due to some depression. I miss my husband greatly and stress has taken its toll on me. Last year, I dieted and lost weight. I lost 40 pounds and was at my lowest I had been in years. But a very stressful year and having to eat out alot, I gained all of it back plus some. Now, I am not blaming anyone but myself for this. I am going to have to put my foot down once and for all and lose the weight. There are three things that helped me to lose weight last year. The first being NutriSystem. This is a great program and it works. Even if you do cheat occasionally. It can be costly, but you have figure what would you spend on food for yourself every month anyway. When you have a family it is harder because you have to buy enough for family meals, and if you see NutriSystem as a burden on your finances as I did, there are other ways. Counting calories was the biggest contributing fact to my weight loss after I stopped NutriSystem. Setting a goal based how many calories you normally take in a day can make a tremendous impact on your success. For me, I set my calorie intake at 1800 per day and wrote down everything I ate in a log book. Believe it or not, this is a great and simple system. My cousin told me about a site called "fitday" which helps you keep track of what you are eating and tracks calories for you. I like the site so far, and the best part is it's FREE! Check it out. If it doesn't have what you are looking for, just search Google. You can find anything using search engines.

Dogs, cats and birds can make for a very amusing time around your home. I love all three of these animals, but the newest addition is the dog which hasn't made the cat very happy. My cat's name is "Miss Kitty" and she has got to be the best and funniest cat ever. She acts more like a dog and I truly believe she was a dog in a past life. When she sneezes, it sounds like a bark. And she will play fetch. She likes to play with strands of necklace beads. If you throw them, she will go and pick them up in her mouth and drag them back to you. The new dog is a shih tzu and an inside dog that was given to my daughter for her birthday. We have two dogs that stay outside and I really like to keep it that way. So far, the dog and the cat are not getting along. The cat has resorted to hiding in my room and not coming out. I can only hope they will learn how to get along or the dog will have to go. And then it will be just the cat and the bird again. Unless I get rid of that stupid bird first. I cannot believe that bird is still alive. My daughter was given this bird for her birthday two years ago. She got bored one day and decided it would funny to shove the cat inside the cage with the bird. Lots of commotion there, but I let the bird out the top and all was safe. Exactly what is the life expectancy of a parakeet anyway? I had several parakeets when I was young and I am sure that none of them lived more than about three months in our house. I recall one we had that committed suicide by flying into our piano, which had shelves with mirrors on it. Stupid bird anyway. We used to have to catch him in a brown paper bag if he got loose and that was always fun! My dad had one that he taught to say "hello turkey" whenever someone walked in the door and that crazy bird drank beer. Maybe I should give my bird to my dad. I am tired of cleaning up feathers off the carpet. And the excitement continues.

Ever since my husband died nearly four years ago, I have had dreams on occasion in which I actually felt his arms holding me while I was asleep. The thing is that it all seems so real. This morning was the most intense "dream" yet. I have a hard time distinguishing between reality and dreaming when it comes to my late husband. I was caught between the awake stage and the sleep stage this morning and not knowing what was real and what wasn't. I remember opening my eyes and just as plain as it was daylight, I felt my husband rub his face against mine and I saw his arm over me. I have had many of these episodes, but this one left me shaken. I know now that most of it was a dream because I had to force myself to wake up and realize it wasn't real. Or was it? I can't help but wonder how many people have had these same type of experiences after losing a spouse or a loved one. I believe there are many more skeptics than there are believers when it comes to a subject such as this. My husband died at home of a massive heart attack at the age of 42. He died in our bed, the same one I still sleep in every night. I recall about two months after his death, I went out with some friends and had a few too many drinks. My sister was staying with my kids and after I got home and got in bed, I laid my hand on the bed and I felt a heartbeat on the mattress. I may have been a little drunk, but my sister was sleeping in the bed with me that night and she felt it too. I am not sure how I feel about my experiences, but I am thankful that his spirit isn't one that would try to torture me for wrongdoing. I always feel him when I am sleeping though, so maybe they really are just nothing more than dreams. I have written several poems dedicated to my late husband. "The Weeping Widow" was the first one I wrote after his death, but there are many more poems I have written, even one for my two girls called "Little Angels" which talks about the joy of becoming a parent. Visit Heart-A-Chokes to read all my poetry.

I WANT A CHRISTMAS TRAIN!!!!!! And I want it now! Why, oh why, does this have to be so dang hard??? After all it can't be impossible to find a small train that plays Christmas music to place around the bottom of a tabletop tree. If you live where I do, everything is freakin' impossible! I have finally given up and just settled for a small rinky dink train(great deal at $1.99) without the music. After hours of shopping and hours of searching online for the right size train, I can't take it anymore! Maybe one day I will come across that perfect train when I am not even looking for one, and at that point, I will go ahead and purchase it. But what if my next year never comes? After all, nobody is promised another day here on earth. So I really want my miniature musical Christmas train this year. Where, oh where, can I find one at?? I hate not being able to get what I want when I want it. If I find one, I will let you all know about it, trust me.