Meology

One bright early morning, three Southerners and three Yankees were standing in line at a train station ticket counter. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and then amazingly watched as the three Southerners, for some reason, bought only one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asked one of the Yankees.

'Watch and learn,' answered one of the Southern boys.

All six boarded the train and while the three Yankees sat down, the three Southerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, 'Ticket, please!' The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Southerners didn't buy even one ticket. 'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asked one of the perplexed Yankees.

'Watch and learn,' answered the three Southern boys in unison.

When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Southerners crammed into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding.

The Southerner knocked on the door and said, 'Ticket, please.'

There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the Civil War.

I was absolutely stunned, shocked and in disbelief when I found out that anyone, yes anyone, can search for and view my driver's license online! It is bad enough that Google maps have stripped us of privacy in our homes, and now something as personal as your driver's license is easily accessible to anyone. Where have our privacy laws gone to? Isn't this violating some kind of constitutional law or right? Enough of my babbling! I know my readers just want the website address so they can see for themselves. And don't forget to check all your friends and family to see if theirs has been listed also. You will have the option to remove your listing from the database by a checkbox on the site. I will be writing my states lawmakers about this one!

Many people may not realize this, but your right foot is pretty intelligent. This is really cool and don't blame me if you get distracted for too long trying to work this one out! There is actually a way to solve this one, and my 17 year old daughter figured it out. Well, to tell the truth, the first time she done this, she didn't get it. Her foot did not change directions and the reason why is really very simple. Try it out and if you can't beat it, leave me a comment and I will reveal the solution.

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind.
And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times
to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!


1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off 
the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air
with your right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!


I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it.
Make sure you pass this on to your friends...
They won't be able to believe it either!!!

The content within this post may be offensive to some people. If you are offended by stuff such as funny shit about sex, you should leave this site immediately and never come back!!! My hostility is in response to a negative review of my site by some old do-gooder woman that didn't have enough common sense to just leave my site but instead, chose to read much of my content. My true comment to this lady who said I should be ashamed of myself is "go get screwed lady!" It just may cure your old crabby ass! And just in case the ol' crab decides to visit again, this is for her!!!!!

This is a quick post from the political world:



Earlier today, the federal government announced that it is
changing its emblem from the Eagle to a condom because it
more accurately reflects the government's political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys
the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives
you a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.



It just doesn't get more accurate than that!

I have been sick the past week and haven't done a very good job making posts. Last week was busy. My youngest daughter was in a school pageant. She won the title of "Miss 6th Grade" which had her excited all weekend. This was her first pageant. She told me she wasn't going to be like her older sister and do pageants, but her friends convinced her to participate in this one. My oldest is 17 and graduating high school this year. I still cannot figure out how the hell I ever got this damn old! LOL! I just graduated high school yesterday myself, so surely I can't already have a daughter graduating! (Just kidding! I graduated in 1987) I am very proud of her, she has really focused hard on her school work and tried to be the best she can be. She is graduating as valedictorian of her class and will be off to college in the fall. My husband(who died 4 years ago) would be so very proud of her. And in honor of my late husband, I would like to share a few funny signs that remind me of him.


The note reads:

"SOMEONE FROM THE
GYNA COLLEGES
CALLED.
THEY SAID THE
PABST BEER IS
NORMAL.

I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW YOU LIKED
BEER."

This week, I am going to try to make a few posts about me and daily things going on with me or my kids. Don't get me wrong, some of it will still be funny! After all, this blog is called "Meology" so I must write about myself sometime!! Until then, enjoy these unique questions and great answers!

Q:WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
A: because they are plugged into a genius
(this is why men NEED alot sex ladies!!!Ever hear the phrase "Behind every successful man, is a successful women"?? Be successful in pleasing your man. Amen.)

Q:WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
A: they do not have enough time-they will miss the main event

Q:WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
A: the freakin' idoits don't stop to ask directions

Q:WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
A: because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock
(You're laughing your ass off now, aren't you?!?!)

Q:WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
A: so they won't go around humping women's legs in public

Q:WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
A: because a vibrator can't mow the lawn
(No matter how many energizer bunny batteries you put in that jack rabbit vibrator,
it still won't mow the damn lawn!)

Q:WHY DO ONLY 10% OF MEN MAKE IT TO HEAVEN?
A: because if they all went, it would be Hell

My attention will be focused on one of my most popular blogs(The Spiral Staircase:Live Drug Free) for the next few days, but I will also try to post something here, no matter how small it may be. I am leaving my readers and fans a little something to wonder about. Please feel free to leave comments. I will not be giving you a solution to this scenario, but rather I am asking that if you would like to know the answer, please email me with your guess and I will give you the answer. Leaving a comment is fine, but I cannot respond to you without a return email. I will never share your email, promise. This is just for fun.

Imagine you are on a horse....................


You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off,
and on your left side is an elephant
traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo
and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion, running at the same speed as you
and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

On the first day, God created the dog and told him:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and told him:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and told him:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And once again, God agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man and said unto him:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man replied: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, AND the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Today, I am coming to you as "The Hot Sex Fairy" to bring you some extremely valuable information concerning your sex life. Enjoy.

• Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
• Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
• Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
• Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
• Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
• The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
• Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium.
• Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
• Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
• A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine It can help combat asthma and hay fever.