Meology

Just passing along some funny stuff to my readers today. Hope everyone enjoys these:

• A rooster & a cat are walking over a bridge. The cat slips & falls in river. The rooster can’t stop laughing! What is the moral of the story? ------Wherever there’s a wet pussy, there’s a happy cock!
• *NEWSFLASH* Snow White has been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported to have pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinocchio's face and shouted "LIE BASTARD LIE!"
• CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION!!!! As of August 1, 2008, Viagra will only be available by its chemical name, which was so appropriately named by the chemists who invented it. So please ask for “MYCOXAFLOPPIN” at your favorite pharmacy.
• Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man, but behind every SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man...
• When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
• CHINESE BUFFET MENU: **CHU SUM TWAT **SUCK MI PORK **LICK MI CLIT **TUNGSUM CHICK **GOO IN HAND **GULP SUM KUM **CHO KON IT*****ENJOY YOUR MEAL!*****

One bright early morning, three Southerners and three Yankees were standing in line at a train station ticket counter. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and then amazingly watched as the three Southerners, for some reason, bought only one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asked one of the Yankees.

'Watch and learn,' answered one of the Southern boys.

All six boarded the train and while the three Yankees sat down, the three Southerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, 'Ticket, please!' The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Southerners didn't buy even one ticket. 'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asked one of the perplexed Yankees.

'Watch and learn,' answered the three Southern boys in unison.

When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Southerners crammed into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding.

The Southerner knocked on the door and said, 'Ticket, please.'

There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the Civil War.

This is for all the ladies! Below is a letter written to tech support about the troubles of installing a husband. If you are a computer junkie, you will understand the whole thing. If you are not a computer junkie, skip over this post and go on to the next one. It is funny too.

• People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
• People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
• When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
• When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
• When people say while watching a movie "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
• People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
• When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
• When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
• When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?