Meology

Ever since my husband died nearly four years ago, I have had dreams on occasion in which I actually felt his arms holding me while I was asleep. The thing is that it all seems so real. This morning was the most intense "dream" yet. I have a hard time distinguishing between reality and dreaming when it comes to my late husband. I was caught between the awake stage and the sleep stage this morning and not knowing what was real and what wasn't. I remember opening my eyes and just as plain as it was daylight, I felt my husband rub his face against mine and I saw his arm over me. I have had many of these episodes, but this one left me shaken. I know now that most of it was a dream because I had to force myself to wake up and realize it wasn't real. Or was it? I can't help but wonder how many people have had these same type of experiences after losing a spouse or a loved one. I believe there are many more skeptics than there are believers when it comes to a subject such as this. My husband died at home of a massive heart attack at the age of 42. He died in our bed, the same one I still sleep in every night. I recall about two months after his death, I went out with some friends and had a few too many drinks. My sister was staying with my kids and after I got home and got in bed, I laid my hand on the bed and I felt a heartbeat on the mattress. I may have been a little drunk, but my sister was sleeping in the bed with me that night and she felt it too. I am not sure how I feel about my experiences, but I am thankful that his spirit isn't one that would try to torture me for wrongdoing. I always feel him when I am sleeping though, so maybe they really are just nothing more than dreams. I have written several poems dedicated to my late husband. "The Weeping Widow" was the first one I wrote after his death, but there are many more poems I have written, even one for my two girls called "Little Angels" which talks about the joy of becoming a parent. Visit Heart-A-Chokes to read all my poetry.